


The True Grey

by V_mum



Series: Kaayras Adaar [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Gen, Haven, Hurt/Comfort, Minor canon divergence, Qunari, between cannon occurrences, more like, not really - Freeform, secretive, supportive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-25 01:09:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17111606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/V_mum/pseuds/V_mum
Summary: He thinks to ask again, which one he is. Why did the Herald of Andraste leave the Qun, the Qunari, at such great risk to himself.Varric is patient.





	The True Grey

Varric wasnt too familiar with Qunari. 

You didn't see them too often- Qunari stuck to their own people, to their places and their tasks. You most often see either the armies- and the armies are bad, you dont stick around- or you see Tal-vashoth. 

More than likely, meeting a Tal-vashoth is a death sentence, marauders or wild, unrelenting mercenaries who dont speak much of common tongue anyway. So they’re just as bad, and you don't stick around to talk with them, either.

Of course, not everyone in a group is the same, and not every Tal-vashoth is a thunder headed blood-thirsted murderer. 

He doesn't know much about Qunari, but he's met a couple in his well cultured time here and there. Some Tal-vashoth are just people who’ve run away. He’d met a couple, once upon a time, a man and a woman who’d escaped the qun to be married under the chantry. They’d had two kids- Vashoth children not raised under their zealous species-wide religion. The lived happily among the free marches, rarely venturing into a local society of a few elves and humans in a village.

You have to lay low, as a Tal-vashoth. That much he knows. Betrayers are  _ not _ well liked. abandoning the qun is the most self centered thing you can do in the eyes of the Qunari, and the secret police or the hunter are out to find you if they hear any word where you hide.

He’d considered writing a book about it, once- but, he didn't need the attention of being targeted for “anti-qun propaganda” and, well, he didn't  _ know _ much about qunari aside from the basic things you hear if you meet one in a bar.

Suppose he has his Inquisitor to ask now, though, if he wanted to change that. Didn't he?

He liked talking with Kaayras. Honesty is a blessing he cherished, and it's hard to find anyone more willing to help the world then someone who's literally giving their life to save it, dedicating all their time to helping as they can. Two qualities that make a person very easy to talk to.

As they had done, before. In the center of Haven’s safe, freezing walls, sat around the fire. The Inquisitor was a good listener- a man open to anything you’d be willing to tell him, eager to know about those he found spending his time with. Kind of a soft soppy guy, sympathetic as all damnation, and apologizing for any inconvenience in your life you opt to tell him about. Makes this uncertain expression on a purple-painted face, weighing what to say before asking for a detail he might find  _ toughy  _ about Red Lyrium, or to ask about Kirkwall, simple because he didn't know about any of these things. 

And since the poor massive lug was going to be responsible for a lot of things he didn't know or understand, varric opted to help educate him, and told the stories. Told him a bit about kirkwall- what happened there. What lyrium was, what  _ red  _ lyrium is, why he was so intent to destroy the deposits of it they find across thedas, how urking it was to find it all around the temple of sacred ashes.

Kaayras was an honest guy, and a willing one to talk, as much as he was listen. Varric opted to try the former, considering a Qunari character for his next book. More than likely a comedy- a funny little romance between a dwarf man and qunari woman, perhaps! Romantic comedies were fun to write and experiment a new type of character with, and what kind of audience doesn't find “she's too big for him to sleep with, isn't she? She wouldn't feel that!” absolutely hilarious?

The two sat around the fire place once again for a calm talk before a rest- tomorrow they ventured out to the Mire, and he wasn't all too excited to be short in the water they’d find in the marshes.

Kaayras, of course, offered jokingly to carry him if it got knee-deep.

“Pick me up, and i’ll write a scathing short story about a qunari that was shot with a crossbow.”

“And sully your first qunari character? You wouldn't.”

“No, but take all your gold the next time we play cards? I definitely will do  _ that _ , Heartless, just because you actually said you’d do it.”

“Very well, i hope you will enjoy slogging through the mud and water full of undead, rather than in my safe, strong, loving arms…” Kaayras gave a long, whistful sigh. “You’d rather their rotten, bony arms to me… hurtful…”

And varric laughs. 

He’s starting to wonder if all Qunari talk that way, between him and iron bull. It's not the first of flirtatious humor from the herald.

Maker, he can't even remember the first of the flirty humor, Kaayras has talked that way since he fell out of the hole in the sky. 

It’s a little more comfortable than Bull. Kaayras’ jokes lean more toward affectionate flirty than filthy flirty- in fact, half the time the joke takes a second to register, lost in what just sounds like the Herald talking in the usual way he does about his inner circle, his friends he's become endeered to. Kinder words getting mixed up with hinting words.

It always makes him bicker with Sera in a friendly, sarcastic, quipping way. Assuring her he’d love her best, and Sera proclaiming it impossible unless he grows a “good rack and a less flat arse”. He points out all qunari have nice chests, and sera yells she doesn't need his wibbly man boobies, she wants some real tits. They both crack up. Cassandra usually groans.

It’s almost double the funny when the straight laces of the group are caught off guard- maker knows black wall has no way to react when Kaayras makes a crack about giving him a massage in a half-sultry tone, and the warden almost gives a tumble down a storm coast cliff into the sea in surprise. That one made Cassandra laugh, he remembers right. Definitely double as funny.

It's a little less awkward than bull, too, unless the Inquisitor does it in that… weird way, that happens sometimes. Less like a joke, more like something he blurts out in the most tense of situations, where bull would know  _ not  _ to make that joke, and… Kaayras doesn't. Or doesn't, sometimes, and others, immediately creases up his face in a distasteful wince at his own words.

“Getting lost in thought? I thought you had questions? Or was that an excuse for my company?” an eyebrow arches at him with an accompanied smirk.

Varric rolls his shoulder, leans back and chuckles. “I do.” instead of asking about qunari directly, he bubbles up with an amused, light “So you’re not actually into any of our lady friends here, right? Just our gentlemen.”

Its an assertion, and its based on a guess. He only makes those dumb, accidental, or soured jokes that roll off his tongue toward the more… endowed members of the circle. The number of awkward, terrible things he's cracked at Cullen thats wrought a silence over the practicing recruits or over the war table is surely a double digit by now. It's funny in a painful sort of way- probably not for Curly or Heartless, but, funny. Outside of the moment. In the following seconds, it's just  _ really  _ awkward.

The Herald, to his credit, makes a funny little swallowing noise varric almost doesn't even hear, before asking an even, relaxed, “what makes you say that?”

“Writer’s Intuition.” he offers in a mockingly sarcastic tone.

Neither confirming or deny- blessedly, not lying, but instead trade markably ignoring a question- “I can't recall any of your books including a single male main character interested in a man for you to have any intuition over it.”

“Just not the ones i've published.” he gives a little wink. Kaayras rubs the back of his neck. “Not sure why you make a deal out of it. According to Bull, our master of free and uncensored speech, folk where your from don't really care about things like that when it comes to the bedroom.”

“A difficult… its a bit harder to explain then that.”

“Harder to explain then ‘walk in visits to the doctor for a lay’? Tiny made it seem pretty simple.” is bull just like that, then? He’d been under the impression all the qunari were like him- didn't care about who sleeps with who, loud and open. If Kaayras is shy, is that a tal-vashoth thing, something he’s picked up being around so many humans and elves and whoever else?

The Herald makes a face- like that one when he's asking about a sensitive topic, but more. Unsure, perhaps.

“The Iron Bull… is a Ben-Hassrath. A lot of things are…  _ easier _ , and  _ simpler _ .”

Varric makes a quick ‘ah’ sound. Crosses his arms over his chest once again. Accidentally, he stumbled on a more… raw topic. Okay. not the joking direction he’d thought this would go. Or even the somewhat awkward not-out-of-a-closet kind of route he could have expected.

“So, any relation of… this to the untold mystery of why exactly your a Tal-Vashoth, then? You know, the hero with the sordid past is only a good story when the cool mysteries get dragged out at some point.”

“I believe you were asking me about Qunari, for a book.” Kaayras  _ guts _ the question completely.

It's not  _ sharp _ . It's just fast. Fast, like there was nothing else in his head to say, so he threw out what was first to show up.

He crosses his legs in front of him, too; close to the fire, to feel some warmth in his freezing feet.

“I am. Reasons why a Qunari becomes Tal-Vashoth, if i'm going to write one. I’m just asking for your… experiences. Seeing as information about sex and attraction got  _ difficult to explain. _ ” 

So Kaayras takes a moment with that. His gloved hands thrumming a simple pattern into his knee, dulled sound of leather on leather, watching flames dance, or occasionally, people walk past on the path in front of them. 

His gaze travels, more than twice, to the front gate, down the steps before them. Where the only other camp qunari rests in his tent, already drunk from the tavern, on the other side of that wall. 

An Agent of Ben-Hassrath. An enemy to any Tal-Vashoth, Varric can note with ease, even if he’s no expert. On more than one occasion, Bull has spit the word out to refer to the Inquisitor,  _ Tal-Vashoth _ . He heard some of the blacksmith’s crew, normally working near where bull watches the troops, talking, once; the Herald asked bull something about qunari, and the phrase “ _ you're not qunari. your tal-vashoth.” _ Had been said. Hot gossip in the blacksmiths that one had been. Kaayras had left immediately and gone back in the gates, or so rumor had it.

Sometimes he wonders if the only reason Kaayras is still here in camp is because he's marked, hes the Herald. If agents wouldn’t already be here to take him away, back to… where ever they take defects, if they aren't killed on sight. if he wasn't irreplaceable for the inquisition, would Qunari agents not have already arrived for him in the fame of a Tal-Vashoth being in their camp?

Varric doesn't  _ know _ what they do with their Defected kin. And that seems to… cruel to ask the Defected man at his side, at least for right now. He considers asking bull- decides against it. He’ll ask lilliana to find him a book, perhaps.

“Tal-Vashoth are individuals.” Kaayras finally speaks again. Varric gives him his full attention, having half expected the Herald wouldn't say anything else. “They each have their own reason. Greed and Selfishness are common reasons- and i don't mean to be  _ cruel _ when i say it. Greed and Selfishness are things… anyone has. There's no room in the Qun for any of it, though. So if you  _ desire _ a better place in society then to shovel ox shit, you defect for selfishness. If you desire to live a wealthier life than the one your assigned as a foot soldier, you leave for greed.”

He’s got more to say, but it takes him a minute. Varric is patient.

“Tal-Vashoth leave for lots of reasons. For greed, for selfishness. Because they don't agree with  _ something _ in the qun, and if you don't agree with  _ anything  _ in the qun, it's dangerous to be around Qunari- whether you are one or not. Some soldiers leave for weakness- cant handle slaughtering, despite having the body for it. Some leave for love- we don't get to be… attached in the qun. No families. No love. No romance. Some leave simply because they don't want their job. A Fisherman who just… wants to make  _ shoes _ , even if he’s a shitty shoe maker, but if your not good at the job, you cant have it. Some leave out of fear. Their neighbor gets… reconditioned… re-educated… needs a  _ handler _ to babysit them, now, cant even use the bathroom on your own, and that's terrifying, so you run away. Some run away if they show the first sign of magic- that life is terrible and terrifying, worse than circles, or worse than outcasting from a village, i think…”

And he trails off, watching the fire.

He thinks to ask again, which one  _ he _ is. Why did the Herald of Andraste leave the Qun, the Qunari, at such great risk to himself.

But the Inquisitor stands and stretches before he can, or can decide not to. His back pops twice as he stretched himself out tall- achingly tall. He has a Head over the height of Iron Bull. The way people chatter that the inquisitor is a  _ demon  _ is at its most understandable in the light cast by the fire, makes him seem bigger, ominous, more dangerous, red of his hair glowing, piercing purple eyes sharp against the black of him and brilliantly brighter than the faint glow of the paint on his face.

They turn back briefly to varric, meet his gaze, and turn upward quickly- just a little too quickly to be  _ real _ causal, the way he makes it look. Just a millisecond too soon. Varric almost thought he was fine, again. Over the questions already. Maybe warriors and fighters can see hiccups in other self-trained soldiers, but for reading people its… different. People trained to hide their mood, their feelings- its easier to read the trained one; the self-trained ones are harder. Kaayras is pretty hard, sometimes. But just a millisecond too soon- the man is  _ not _ fine. Not over the conversation. Still caught on something. Still alarmed, still- afraid, maybe.

His gaze turns away, up to the sky. Varric’s expecting him to leave, and Varric can't fault him for it. 

instead, the inquisitor makes that pinched face, like he's going to ask something uncomfortable again, while looking up into the sky- at the distrant rift over the mountains. It's never distant enough for safety. 

Instead of asking something uncomfortable for varric, though, he offers varric an answer that is uncomfortable for himself. The moon makes the paint of his lips and his eyes a bright purple, or maybe it's the Deep Mushroom mixed into it thats glowing in the dark. 

“I became Tal-Vashoth because i was… not capable of performing my… job.” it's an answer to varric’s question, in the end. Quickly, he tacks on, “A favor- don't spread this to unsavory ears. Any of this. Yet. if ever.”

“Wouldn't dream of it, heartless.” it was joking in tone, and it came with a mock salute. But he means it.

Kaayras isn’t amused. He’s just tired. He heads off to sleep. Varric certainly doesn't feel like he knows a lot more about qunari than when he started, or even the inquisitor himself, but, feels like he knows a little more about how Tal-Vashoth would feel, emotionally, so that's something. 

Still, he hopes whatever book he can convince leliana to snare for him from her network of connections will answer more than just  _ one _ question. All he’d gotten was one out of Kaayras.

He can’t deny himself. 

He’s  _ very curious _ .

He doesn't ask on it again, though. For now, For the Herald’s safety. 

He’ll always be a Tal-Vashoth, and always a famous one. There's no hiding, for Kaayras Adaar. If and when the inquisition is over, and hes not an Inquisitor, and his heraldry won't protect him anymore, he’ll still be Tal Vashoth- and a famous one. There won't be hiding, any more. It might be better his reasons stay secret, for his safety.

Varric isn't sure he really  _ wants _ to know what reconditioning or re-educating means. He hopes Kaayras is lucky enough he doesn't have to experience it, one day.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
